Review: Red Rain by RL Stine

Red Rain
R.L. Stine
Release Date: October 9th, 2012
Publisher: Touchstone
Number of Pages: Far too many 384
Source: Edelweiss
Rating: 1 of 5 stars

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R.L. Stine, New York Times bestselling author of the Goosebumps and Fear Street series—the biggest selling children’s books of all time—delivers a terrifying new adult horror novel centered on a town in the grip of a sinister revolt.

Before there was J.K. Rowling, before there was Stephenie Meyer or Suzanne Collins, there was R.L. Stine. Witty, creepy, and compulsively readable, he defined horror for a generation of young readers—readers who have now come of age.

Travel writer Lea Sutter finds herself on a small island off the coast of South Carolina, the wrong place at the wrong time. A merciless, unanticipated hurricane cuts a path of destruction and Lea barely escapes with her life. In the storm’s aftermath, she discovers orphaned twin boys and impulsively decides to adopt them. The boys, Samuel and Daniel, seem amiable and immensely grateful; Lea’s family back on Long Island—husband Mark and their two children, Ira and Elena—aren’t quite so pleased. But even they can’t anticipate the twins’ true nature—or predict that, within a few weeks’ time, Mark will wind up implicated in two brutal murders, with the police narrowing in.

For the millions of readers who grew up on Goosebumps, and for every fan of deviously inventive horror, this is a must-read from a beloved master of the genre.

I don't think I could possibly put into words how much I was looking forward to Red Rain when I had heard that it would be an adult horror novel written by none other than RL Stine, and, as well as that, I don't think I could possibly put into words how excited I when I was given an ARC of Red Rain. With all of that being said, I also don't think I could put into words how thoroughly disappointed I am with this book in the long run.

Lea Sutter is a travel blogger, and, for one of her travel expeditions, she decides to go to an island off the coast of South Carolina. Unfortunately, as she arrives at the small island, she is greeted by creepy rituals, and a life-threatening hurricane. Inspecting the rubble which the hurricane resulted in, Lea finds two young boys, now homeless, and without a family. Lea eventually decides to adopt those two boys on a whim, and then takes them back to her home in Sag Harbor, Long Island, where things go awry.

Or, simply put, Red Rain is a shitty rehash of the movie Orphan. With twins. And a hurricane.

I am not amused.

There are so many problems I have with the bitter disappointment that is Red Rain, most of which seem to begin with "lack of...", such as the

Lack of logic

If Lea is really such an amazingly proclaimed travel blogger, one would think she would do some research into where she's traveling next, no? Of that research, some information would include that, for some reason, a disastrous hurricane ravages the small island every thirty-five years, and, coincidentally, that the hurricane is going to hit the same day Lea arrives at the island. But of course, that would mean Lea would have some common sense, which, if you read this book, you'll soon find out that she clearly does not have. As well as the large lack of logic in Red Rain, we're also provided with a

Lack of originality

Come on, how often has the 'creepy children (or, if you want to make it even more of a shitty B-horror movie, creepy twins) do creepy things creepily while being creeps because they're creepy, watch out' trope been used? Whoever says that Red Rain is original is either a) lying, or b) lying. There's no escaping it. And, adding to the things that make a good novel of which Red Rain lacks is a

Lack of good writing

You know what? Screw a lack of good writing. I would have taken decent writing, as opposed to the shit excuse for writing we were provided with in Red Rain. Honestly, if you handed me this book, telling me to read a few pages, while giving me absolutely no background information as to who the author is, I would have taken a guess that this book is written by an extremely inexperienced high-school student. Yes, you read that correctly. An extremely inexperienced high school student. I would have never guessed that this book was written by a very experienced writer of over twenty years. This is not a good thing. But wait, there's more! (You read that in Billy Mays' voice, didn't you?)

Lack of scary elements

Red Rain is not scary. At all. It's more laughable than scary, actually. If it weren't for the swearing or the sex scenes, I would've sworn this book was a young-adult novel, or even less than that, being a new edition to the Goosebumps series. A series for children. Young. Children. If I mistake your adult horror novel for being a new edition in your children's series, something is very, very wrong. One more 'lack' coming your way!

Lack of anything good

No, seriously. I'm struggling to find positives when it comes to Red Rain, and, honestly, I really don't think there are any positives to be found in this book. Unless, of course, you enjoy reading extremely cliche and predictable adult horror novels that could easily be mistaken for a children's novel if it weren't for sex scenes and swearing. So... if that applies to you, then... have fun with this book? However, if those characteristics in a novel don't apply to your likings, and you want to read this because you, too, were a childhood fan of the Goosebumps series, then run. Run far, far away. Because, truth be told, the only thing scary about Red Rain is its quality.


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