Review: Hereafter by Tara Hudson

Hereafter
Tara Hudson
Series: Hereafter, #1
Release Date: June 7th, 2011
Publisher: HarperCollins
Number of Pages: Far too many
Source: Amazon
Rating: 1 of 5 stars

Can there truly be love after death?

Drifting in the dark waters of a mysterious river, the only thing Amelia knows for sure is that she's dead. With no recollection of her past life--or her actual death--she's trapped alone in a nightmarish existence. All of this changes when she tries to rescue a boy, Joshua, from drowning in her river. As a ghost, she can do nothing but "will" him to live. Yet in an unforgettable moment of connection, she helps him survive.

Amelia and Joshua grow ever closer as they begin to uncover the strange circumstances of her death and the secrets of the dark river that held her captive for so long. But even while they struggle to keep their bond hidden from the living world, a frightening spirit named Eli is doing everything in his power to destroy their newfound happiness and drag Amelia back into the ghost world . . . forever.

Thrilling and evocative, with moments of pure pleasure, "Hereafter" is a sensation you won't want to miss.

SPOILERS AHEAD (but do you really want to read this?)

Explain to me what happened in Hereafter. I dare you.

You’re at a loss of words trying to describe what happened, aren’t you? I’ll tell you why:

BECAUSE NOTHING. HAPPENED.

(the caps locks were extremely necessary)

Amelia is dead. She can’t remember how she died, her family, or even her last name (but she can remember how to find the order of a differential question and the fact that she doesn’t like Hemingway’s writing.) Amelia finds a boy who is driving off a bridge, and the boy dies for a short amount of time, but comes back to life, which somehow gives him the power to be able to see, hear and touch Amelia when no one else can. They fall in love.

That’s it. But if you want me to break it down further, here’s the whole book:

Amelia: Oh, no. I’m dead. Whatever shall I do with my li—ooh a cute boy is drowning!
Drowning Boy: *gurgle gurgle*
Amelia: Don’t worry boy; I’ll save you! *gives drowning boy pep talk*
Drowning Boy: *dead*
Amelia: Well, I tried my best.
Drowning Boy: *gurgle*
Amelia: Boy? You’re alive!

~ Days pass ~

Amelia: *sigh* I wonder when I will see drowning boy again. I love him.
Boy who drowned and died but is now miraculously alive again: Hi, fancy seeing you here!
Amelia: O em gee! Drowning boy!
Boy who drowned and died but is now miraculously alive again: Call me Joshua.

~ Romantic movie love montage ~

Amelia: Your grandma can see me and hates me, Joshipoo. We can’t be together.
Joshua: But I love you!
Eli: Rawr. I’m a bad guy. I have no relevancy to the plot whatsoever; I’m only here to add stress to your relationship.
Amelia: Oh, no! A bad guy! Whatever shall we do?!

~ Does nothing, bad guy goes away ~

Amelia: Oh, Joshipoo! We were meant to be together!
Joshua: Sure, whatever.

~ The End ~

That's it. And it all sucked.

Clearly you could tell I had quite a few issues with this book (I didn't make that very subtle), some of them being:

1) The plot.

There was none—moving on.

2) How no one can see Amelia (except for some reason every single person in Joshua’s family), and no one even notices how Amelia and Joshua are in extremely public places, holding hands, having full fledged conversations and making out. They have conversations in school, at the park, as they’re walking down the sidewalk—pretty much everywhere. Does anybody realize that this person is talking with no one, holding hands with no one and making out with no one? Spoiler alert: no, they don’t.

3) Insta-freaking-love, and Amelia totally obsessing over Joshua and referring to him as “My boy”, and “My Josh” before he even knew her name.

4) Many sentences like these throughout:

A pulse, one I knew I didn’t have, began to race through my arms and along my neck.

What? If you don’t have a pulse (and you know you don’t have a pulse), how the hell is it racing through your arms and along your neck?

5) How it’s trying to make itself sound thrilling and spooky, but there’s nothing thrilling or spooky about this book. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. It’s a complete and utter borefest.

And you want to know the worst part?

Guess what book I have a review copy of? Arise. Arise = Hereafter’s sequel. And it comes out June 5th, which means I’ll be starting it next.