Review: Glitch by Heather Anastasiu

Glitch
Heather Anastasiu 
Series: Glitch, #1
Release Date: August 7th, 2012
Publisher: St. Martin's Press
Number of Pages: 371
Source: NetGalley
Rating: 1 of 5 stars

In the Community, there is no more pain or war. Implanted computer chips have wiped humanity clean of destructive emotions, and thoughts are replaced by a feed from the Link network.

When Zoe starts to malfunction (or “glitch”), she suddenly begins having her own thoughts, feelings, and identity. Any anomalies must be immediately reported and repaired, but Zoe has a secret so dark it will mean certain deactivation if she is caught: her glitches have given her uncontrollable telekinetic powers.

As Zoe struggles to control her abilities and stay hidden, she meets other glitchers including Max, who can disguise his appearance, and Adrien, who has visions of the future. Both boys introduce Zoe to feelings that are entirely new. Together, this growing band of glitchers must find a way to free themselves from the controlling hands of the Community before they’re caught and deactivated, or worse.

In this action-packed debut, Glitch begins an exciting new young adult trilogy.

Warning: Possible spoilers (but do you really want to read this?)

*sigh* Oh, Glitch.

When reading a book, however horrible that book might be, I do try to find something even slightly redeemable, that could save the book from falling into my one-star abyss. Unfortunately, I truly found nothing likable or redeemable in this book. I'll be splitting my review of Glitch into four categories, and analyze each one. Those four categories are: the characters, the relationships, the writing, and the plot/world-building. Here we go:

1. The Characters

Mary Sues and Gary Stus everywhere, my friends! First, let's analyze the main character, Zoe.

If you're looking for a strong, self reliant female character in Glitch, I can assure you you won't find one in Zoe. She's dull, uninteresting, whiny, and completely and totally reliant on Adrien. But, like any other female lead in YA literature (if you could even call books of this sort literature), Zoe has to stand out and be special, right? As the book starts, Zoe is undergoing a glitch - a defect in her system that allows her to display emotion when most of the population - for some reason - can't. Each person undergoing glitches has a secret power, Zoe's being telekinesis (not a spoiler, you find that out in the first chapter). Unfortunately, Zoe doesn't use her special abilities for good, or really at all. She just mopes all day, contemplating turning herself into the government and basically giving up on life. Oh yeah, all while fawning over Adrien. She's useless, and honestly too stupid to live. I'd be baffled if she were still alive, you know, had any life threatening situations been bestowed upon her.


Now, let's analyze the boy Zoe's "in love" with, Adrien (or, as I like to call him, "The Boy Who Swears Annoyingly" or "The Boy With Magical, Color Changing Eyes").

Ah, Adrien. The man of the hour. The boy who stole Zoe's heart. The stalker. The boy who annoyed the shuntin' crack out of me with his odd swears and abbreviatin'. There's nothing special or unique about him when compared to other love interests in YA literature (and once again, I use that term loosely). He was tolerable, I guess. He wasn't a complete asshole, but he sure wasn't a finalizing candidate for the Best and Nicest Love Interest Award. He was... okay. But he has magical, color changing eyes, everyone! I mean, Zoe only described them as green, green-blue, blue, and aqua a bunch of times! Apparently, little Zoe doesn't know her primary colors.

There's one more character I'd like to discuss about, and that's part two of the love triangle, the raging monster (he's kind of like the Hulk, but he doesn't turn green): Max.

It's quite obvious to me, Heather Anastasiu, and everyone else reading this book that Max was just a character thrown in to add stress to Zoe and Adrien's relationship. You know who Zoe's going to end up with, just like we all knew Bella was going to end up with Edward and not Jacob. I'll discuss more about Max in the "relationships" analyzation (which is coming up after this sentence), but all you need to know is that Max is a dick and I want him to die in a fire.

2. The Relationships

Insta-love, love triangles, abusive boyfriends, oh my! This book had it all in terms of "romance" (and, having read this book, I don't know if Anastasiu knows the true definition of romance). Zoe and Adrien have that "connection" upon first meeting in the first twenty or so pages of Glitch (reading other people's reviews, it seems to be on page 23). Of course, this connection eventually transforms into true love. Hooray. True love at sixteen years old.

Then enters Zoe's childhood friend, Max. Oh, boy. Warning: any point from here to the end of the relationships category is a spoiler. So, first, he pretty much forces Zoe to make out with him, and it's described that he "uses his tongue to force open her mouth aggressively."

That's not creepy at all - literally forcing someone's mouth open with your tongue.

Then, when Zoe leads him on to thinking she likes him then tells him in the end that her "heart belongs to Adrien" (I won't even rant about how a teenager who just met said heart stealer shouldn't be saying that), Max starts screaming at her, saying that he won't let Adrien have her, how he wants her lips, body, legs and her back all to himself, and he came at her and shoved her against the wall, where he kissed Zoe against her will.

 

Then Zoe pushed him off her and said she's Adrien's, and Max says mysteriously, "You'll want me. I'll make sure of it. One day. I'll make you want me." Then he walks away (probably into the shadows), and Zoe starts feeling guilty and blaming herself for hurting Max. I can't even... So, Max: go die in a fire. Preferably very painfully. Zoe: Quit being an idiot.

3. The Writing

This is going to be shortest analyzation, because I don't have much to say about Anastasiu's writing. The writing was mediocre at best, and definitely nothing to praise, or take points off for. (But I did take points off for the way everyone in this book swears. Godlam'd it was annoying! (Godlam'd is one of Adrien's swears. He doesn't feel the need to say God dammit, like a normal person would, because he's special. So, I guess I did take points off for the writing. I also took points off for the way terms like V-chip are thrown around without any explanation as to what the hell a V-chip even is, like Anastasiu expects us as readers to know what the hell she's talking about.)

4. The Plot/World-Building

Seriously, what went wrong with the plot, here? Normally, in my reviews, I write my own little synopsis describing the main plot of the book I'm reviewing, but I honestly had no freaking clue what was going on in here. A nuclear bomb went off outside so people are forced to live underground by the government? And that somehow makes them extremely bland and boring people, by being emotionless? How in the world does a nuclear bomb (that may or may not have actually gone off) make people around the world emotionless? It doesn't, that's how. If you write a science fiction or dystopian book, you need to have good world-building, and this had some of the worst I've ever read in my life (it's up there with Divergent, but at least Divergent was enjoyable). Nothing makes sense in this book. Nothing at all. You're just supposed to play along with the crap explantations of the world Zoe is given, and act like they make a shred of sense. So, that's it: world-building = horrible. Plot = incredibly confusing.

If you're still reading this review by now (because I notice it's incredibly long), I do not, under any circumstances, recommend this book. Unless you're a writer and want to read this book as a manual on how not to write a YA dystopian, then by all means, read it and learn from it. But otherwise, Glitch is a book to pass on.